Defining Self-Acceptance... Or At Least My Definition

I have felt a strange sort of pressure to write something profound on my blog to ring in the New Year. And I don't like that kind of pressure! It doesn't support my creativity, it stifles it. In fact, I started to lose hope that I'd find something truly meaningful to write about. And then I had this awesome learning moment with a client that sowed the seed for this little post.

My client, whom we'll call Sally, was telling me how she's been reading up on all sorts of positive body image blogs. You know, blogs that encourage you to love yourself and accept yourself as you are right now. And that was just all too far from reality for her to be able to swallow. She told me "I can't love my body. I can't stand living in it. I don't feel good physically in my body. Why would I accept something that makes me so miserable?" 

And I understood what Sally was saying. Often, people confuse self-acceptance with stagnation. Staying miserable, learning to put up with something you hate. Many people wrongly assume that they'll never change if they accept themselves (not to mention love themselves!) as they are right now. But it turns out that isn't true.

ACCEPTING SOMETHING DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO LIKE IT. The reality is that self-acceptance FACILITATES CHANGE. Acceptance can be defined as "the act of assenting or believing." Once we come to truly accept where we are at in life, what works for us, and what doesn't, we are then able to make decisions based on that reality. Here are a couple of diagrams to show what I mean.

Cycle of Non-Acceptance

Cycle of Acceptance

I share this message with you as a new year is about to begin because it's a time that you might be thinking about setting goals and contemplating how you'd like to improve upon this past year. So  you just might want to consider adding self-love and self-acceptance to the top of your list. Ironically, it just might help you accomplish everything else you had in mind.

I'm going to leave you with a quote from a fabulous book that I stumbled upon while researching this blog post. The quote relates to accepting your body as it is right now.

How can you begin to learn the lesson of acceptance? By recognizing that what is, just is, and that the key to unlocking the prison of self-judgment lies in your own mind. You can either continue to fight against your body's reality by complaining bitterly and immersing yourself in self-deprecation, or you can make the very subtle but powerful  mental shift into acceptance. Either way, the reality remains the same. Acceptance or rejection of your body only carries weight in your mind; your perception has no bearing on how your body actually looks, so why not choose the ease of acceptance rather than the pain of rejection? The choice is yours. "

Found in "If Life is a Game, These are the Rules" by Cherie Carter-Scott PhD

Have you had an experience with self-acceptance? Please share it!

Holiday Treats

In the spirit of the holidays, I wanted to share with you two little "treats" I've recently discovered.

Treat #1

XO Jane: Check out this article "Suck It, Food Guilt Season." I had trouble choosing a favorite quote to share with you, but here's one to give you the flavor:

"You don't need to titter and say 'Well, maybe just a little bit more' when someone offers you something you want to eat. Nor do you need to apologize when you don't really want to eat any of Aunt Susan's sweet potato casserole because you can't stand marshmallows: it's totally fine to say 'I'm good, thanks.' "

Your food choices are yours to own. It's ok to eat foods you LOVE, it's ok to honor your hunger. But it's not ok to add a heaping plate full of guilt and shame to go along with it. Quite frankly, it just tastes bad.

Treat #2

Body Image Advent Calendar- 25 days to address 25 different body image topics via video. Nick and Sarah are tackling tough topics like: media, airbrushing, fat talk, plastic surgery, how to define beauty, etc. Enjoy!

Do you have any holiday treats to share?

Mindfulness: The Art & Science of Changing Your Brain

What do you think about when you hear the word "mindfulness?" To be honest, I used to think "nope, not for me!". Breath in, breath out, follow my breath. Ugh! I honestly couldn't see the point and every time I tried it seemed like a miserable failure. 

And then I attended a workshop by the brilliant Dan Siegel, MD and also began reading one of his many books on mindfulness entitled "The Mindful Therapist." My mind has been forever changed now that I'm beginning to understand why mindfulness is so critical to our health. 

I'm going to give you a 3 part synopsis of how Dr. Siegel's work on mindfulness has changed my life:

1. Mindfulness can be defined as: awareness of the present experience with acceptance, no judgement

2. Our brain naturally goes a thousand miles a minute. That's what it is designed to do. When we practice bringing it to the present moment physiological and structural changes occur in our brains! Yes, the act of bringing our mind to the moment changes the very structure of our brain.

3. As this happens, there are PROFOUND consequences. I will name a few: we become more open, less rigid in our thinking, more creative and resilient, less anxious, able to act rather than to react.

Practicing mindfulness is tough stuff. But it's with the act of practicing, the act of drawing your mind to the quite present moment WITHOUT JUDGMENT that the magic happens.

Below is a story of one person's journey with a 30 min meditation. Enjoy.

Recently I went to a 30-minute guided mindfulness meditation session. The teacher spoke for about 5 minutes at the beginning of the session, suggesting ways we could approach quieting our minds for that half hour. She suggested relinquishing following the breath, which is a typical approach to mindfulness meditation.

Instead she referred to a passage she had recently stumbled upon in the Bhagavad Gita that suggested that the labor, or effort, was the goal of this meditation practice; that we should not expect results or a mindfulness “product.” She went on to give us other ideas to use as a focus: the deep red of fall leaves that correlates with the chakra of groundedness, or the fiery red that corresponds to passion for life and self-confidence. We could also focus on an image from nature, or the words “softer, softer, softer.”

Then she was quiet. The room was quiet. My mind was not quiet: “ ‘Effort,’ I like that idea, just keep putting in the work at all my endeavors, yes, effort, interesting.” Then I observed that I was “thinking.” “Thinking,” I told myself.

I tried to see the two colors of red and feel grounded and self-confident. My mind wandered to an image of a leaf I had seen earlier that day; it had startled me by being so loud just by turning onto another leaf after a puff of wind.

The room stayed quiet. My neck felt tired. I felt tired. I wondered if anyone would mind if I quietly lay down. I decided they would.

I remembered an image I like that I recently cut out from a magazine—a young woman, smiling, her arm draped around her painted self-portrait (with the help of Photoshop). My words for that image have been “Here I am; I am good.” I want to be her: solid; self-confident; with an inner self that she herself has created that goes with her throughout her day, unchanging, no matter the circumstances. I stayed with this image for a few minutes.

I continued to move from image to image, occasionally saying the words “softer, softer, softer.” These words were soothing.

Then the session was over. I walked home and Ms. Anxiety swept into me like a Nor’easter. At home I stared out my window at the crescent moon’s light.

No results? Perhaps what the meditation leader meant by the words “effort” and “labor” was “engagement”—that engaging with any activity, including mindfulness meditation, is accepting, not resisting the activity. I stared at the moon and thought, “I will continue this labor as best I can.”

Ha! I’ve just spent 2 hours playing Freecell on my computer. The images from last week’s meditation session have grown pale. Today was an anxious day and “engagement” seemed impossible. I know the labor takes practice (as in, it must take place). I am resisting.

But: Begin again. Loud leaf. Quiet night. Re-engage to groundedness and self-confidence. “Here I am; I am good.” Softer, softer, softer.

Calorie-Free Chocolate?

So I am a chocolate LOVER. And I was intrigued by an article introducing a new product- Le Whif.  It's an inhalable, calorie-free chocolate.  It was developed by a Harvard professor (the same guy who brought you breathable insulin).  Here's a short article and interview with the product developer.

Le Whif is already being sold in France and Japan.  But what do you think?  If it was available in the US, would you buy it?  Do you think it would help tame your chocolate cravings?  Does it have the potential to heighten cravings?  What about causing chocolate binges when the calorie-free version isn't quite satisfying your sweet tooth (I'm thinking back to the Snackwell's binges from a decade ago).

I have to admit, I'm a total skeptic.  I can't imagine taking a puff of chocolate tasting air would fix my need for chocolate.  I get total satisfaction from taking a bite out of some high quality chocolate (no Hershey's for me!) and savoring it.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. :)
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Client Spotlight: Honesty as a Tool for Change

Nutrition New Year's Resolutions: Part II

In my first blog posting on New Year’s Resolutions, I promised to provide some guidelines that may help you figure out how to make some resolutions that work for you.  Here they are.

Step 1: refer to the questions in my last blog post and spend a bit of time thinking and journaling about them

Step 2: based on the information you gathered, decide whether or not any of your past resolutions are worth keeping

Step 3: select one goal and use the “SMART goal” strategy to re-define it

S: Specific
M: Measureable
A: Attainable
R: Realistic
T: Timely

Here is an example of a goal that is not-so-helpful:
Eat healthier in 2010. (In fact that little picture I posted has a list of 7, totally unhelpful goals.)
This goal is vague, all-encompassing, intangible, and provides no action plan to changing your habits.

Here is an example of a SMART goal which actually helps you accomplish something:
Eat two pieces of fruit each day.
This goal is much more specific and trackable.  You can sit down at the end of the day and know whether or not you’ve accomplished it.

I’d also encourage you to consider using a tracking sheet for your goals.  I have one that I use with some of my clients.  If you’d like a copy, send me an email at marci@marciRD.com and I’d be happy to send you a copy.

Creating specific, realistic goals that actually empower you to make positive change is really hard work!  And changing nutrition habits is particularly tough because our food habits are heavily engrained from years of eating.  Plus they are also influenced by relationships, emotions, and even logistical planning!

So if you feel stuck with your goals- send ‘em in.  I’d be happy to give you a little feedback.

Wish you all the best for a healthy 2010.
Marci, Registered Dietitian
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Food Rules

Today, theNew York Times magazine is all about food. One of the articles, written by Michael Pollan caught my eye. It's about food rules.  Basically, his premise is that culture might have more to teach us than the government or trained nutritionists. 

Pollan says "If we can’t rely on the marketers or the government or even the nutritionists to guide us through the supermarket woods, then who can we rely on? Well, ask yourself another question: How did humans manage to choose foods and stay healthy before there were nutrition experts and food pyramids or breakfast cereals promising to improve your child’s focus or restaurant portions bigger than your head? We relied on culture, which is another way of saying: on the accumulated wisdom of the tribe."

So I'm interested to know- do you have food rules that you live by?  If yes, what are they?  Do you think food rules can be helpful or harmful?  Pollan solicited for readers food rules.  Check out this "food rule slideshow" to see some of the responses.

Interestingly enough, I was planning to blog later on this month about a fantastic book called "The Rules of Normal Eating" by Karen Koenig that has some great suggestions for helpful food rules.  Check back later on in the month for my book review.

I do have some pretty simple food rules that I try to live by:
1.) Eat breakfast
2.) Eat when hungry, stop when full as much as possible
3.) Eat foods I crave
4.) Eat fruits and vegetables everyday

What are your food rules?
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Mindless Eating & 80% Full

I’m reading a book for my book club called “Mindless Eating” by Brian Wansink.  You’ve probably heard of it.  Professor Wansink has made his food lab at Cornell famous from such experiments including stale popcorn and endless soup bowls, to name a couple.

Essentially, he studies the subconscious cues which encourage all of us to overeat.  In his book he provides a multitude of suggestions to outsmart ourselves.  One of these suggestions I thought was particularly interesting.

Apparently, in the Japanese culture people eat until they are “no longer hungry.”  Yet we all know from experience that most Americans eat until they feel full, overfull, and often stuffed.  The concept of eating until “no longer hungry” has a phrase “hara hachi bu” which essentially means “eating until you are just 80% full.”

So as you dive into your next meal, pause half way through.  Can you envision your stomach and what 80% full might look like?  Take a step further.  Could you stop eating at 80%?  See if you can take this idea on as a challenge.  It’s not easy and it takes some practice.  But it feels pretty good to walk away from the table satisfied but not stuffed.

Fighting the Eating Urge

So a lot of my clients (mainly women) bemoan the fact that they just don't have any self control.  As it turns out, researchers are beginning to find more and more support that there is biological reason for that!  So our food-laden environments are extremely triggering and hard to ignore.  Gene-Jack Wang, a senior scientist at Brookhaven National Laboratory in New York has published some fascinating findings on the topic of assuaging food cravings (or not!).

After 18 hours of fasting, brain scans were taken of men and women as they saw and smelled their favorite foods (think burgers, ice cream sundaes, pizza, etc.).  Following the scan, researchers asked the participants to do their best to ignore the food and take their minds off of it while their brains were scanned a second time.  While both men and women reported that they were able to quell their cravings, the brain scans revealed that (on average) the areas of the brain that control the drive to eat fired less for men but not for women.  Simply put, when people are presented with food and asked to consciously inhibit the urge to eat, men are better able to do it than women.  So ladies, if you've ever wondered how your male counterparts have forgotten to eat or don't mind turning down dessert, this may explain why!

I think it's absolutely fascinating that our drive to eat is affected by our environment, our mind, as well as the physiological processes of our bodies.  Be mindful of the fact that we are subject to all three but have the biggest control over our environment.  Perhaps there are ways to create a healthier food environment around you today...
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